Pride. The most despicable sin and the one sin I despise most of all, for the simple fact that it is the essence of every other sin in human nature; not to mention the reason Satan fell from Grace. Not only do I abhor it, I am fearful of it because I value God's grace and love more than anything else in life. It IS my life. When I first started walking with the Lord, I realized the danger of pride, knew I didn't want any parts of it and decided to take small steps to avoid it. "When pride comes, disgrace is soon to follow; but with humility comes respect", read Proverbs. So I asked God to remove any pride from my heart on a regular basis, started to make it a daily practice to not have any pride in my life whatsoever, for example, I made it habit to remove the word "proud" from my vocabulary and replace it with "pleased" instead, I learned to have no ego at all, to be modest, humble and generous instead of arrogant, greedy and boisterous, to be self-less instead of selfish, to consiously make an effort that nothing would interfere with my relationship with God and the work He sent me to do. My eyes were focused on the prize! The Bible says, "the wages of sin is death" - this is the reason I try with all of my might to keep myself away from sin, because to me, spiritual life IS my physical life. They are one and the same, without the one - the other is futile. Without the Father, Son & Holy Spirit as my Lifelines, the meaning of life ceases to exist, so I hold this relationship in the highest regard possible and take every sin with the utmost seriousness. Scrutinizing my every thought and action, eliminating what I have the control to freely give up and praying that the Lord replace it with something fruitful which will bring Him the Glory He deserves. I do my best to stay away from the enticements of sin in order to continue receiving God's beautiful gifts and keep the love between us flowing, so I am most effective to do His will with a clean conscience. I often pray for the forgiveness of any future sins that I have yet to commit, just to be proactive.
I hate the ugliness of sin, the shame I feel after I know I've done the evil I did not want to do, the incomprehensible sadness knowing that I've disobeyed the One Person I love more than any other and the disappointment I feel knowing that, in His sight, I've done what is evil, especially when I know better. For all of these reasons, I remain close to the Word and see every obstacle in my path as a test and an opportunity to draw close to Him. I also grade myself based on my behavior. A little obsessive compulsive perhaps but, it keeps me in line.
The past twelve months of life have been quite the test, to say the least, one that I have honestly failed miserably because of this disgusting human quality, the very one I tried so hard NOT to possess! Working seven days a week isn't healthy for anyone, but I was convinced that the work I was doing was what God wanted me to do, and I still believe this to be true. "I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me", that phrase would get me out of bed each morning and hurry off to work. Even though I would make an effort to go to Mass on Sunday, spend what time I could in prayer, meditation and reading the Word, my body was winding down little by little and I started to get weary. When was MY life going to take off, I asked. Where's MY man, MY career, MY future, MY life! I'm taking care of and spending so much time with so many people almost 24/7, giving them all I've got but..who's taking care of me, was the posed question in my mind. "My God supplies all my needs according to His riches in glory, by Christ Jesus" the Holy Spirit reminded me.
As time went on, I started to question some more and grow even more impatient. "Lord, may I have some patience please? How do I use it and how will I know when it arrives? I am not really having fun anymore and am just growing tired, please help me out!" I knew I was waiting for something big but when would it come! That became my focus. What about all these promises I was wishing, hoping, thinking and praying for, "Beloved, above all things, I wish for you to prosper, just as your soul prospers." Well, yes - thank You Lord, I'd love to prosper too - you also promised to prosper me in the desert, remember? What exactly is Your definition of "prosper" because obviously, our views are different, won't You help me to understand?! Please Lord, do not delay" I pleaded!
Eventually, I acknowledged my impatience and requested to have it tamed by the Blood of Jesus. I was waiting on Him and I "shall NOT be disappointed." This was Written, and I know it's true, as much as I know my own name. I was counting on it.
Every day continued to remain the same as the last, but all was just as well, because I knew I was making God happy. How quickly life can change from one extreme to another...in the blink of a blind eye..and I didn't even see it coming....
...to be continued...
I hate the ugliness of sin, the shame I feel after I know I've done the evil I did not want to do, the incomprehensible sadness knowing that I've disobeyed the One Person I love more than any other and the disappointment I feel knowing that, in His sight, I've done what is evil, especially when I know better. For all of these reasons, I remain close to the Word and see every obstacle in my path as a test and an opportunity to draw close to Him. I also grade myself based on my behavior. A little obsessive compulsive perhaps but, it keeps me in line.
The past twelve months of life have been quite the test, to say the least, one that I have honestly failed miserably because of this disgusting human quality, the very one I tried so hard NOT to possess! Working seven days a week isn't healthy for anyone, but I was convinced that the work I was doing was what God wanted me to do, and I still believe this to be true. "I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me", that phrase would get me out of bed each morning and hurry off to work. Even though I would make an effort to go to Mass on Sunday, spend what time I could in prayer, meditation and reading the Word, my body was winding down little by little and I started to get weary. When was MY life going to take off, I asked. Where's MY man, MY career, MY future, MY life! I'm taking care of and spending so much time with so many people almost 24/7, giving them all I've got but..who's taking care of me, was the posed question in my mind. "My God supplies all my needs according to His riches in glory, by Christ Jesus" the Holy Spirit reminded me.
As time went on, I started to question some more and grow even more impatient. "Lord, may I have some patience please? How do I use it and how will I know when it arrives? I am not really having fun anymore and am just growing tired, please help me out!" I knew I was waiting for something big but when would it come! That became my focus. What about all these promises I was wishing, hoping, thinking and praying for, "Beloved, above all things, I wish for you to prosper, just as your soul prospers." Well, yes - thank You Lord, I'd love to prosper too - you also promised to prosper me in the desert, remember? What exactly is Your definition of "prosper" because obviously, our views are different, won't You help me to understand?! Please Lord, do not delay" I pleaded!
Eventually, I acknowledged my impatience and requested to have it tamed by the Blood of Jesus. I was waiting on Him and I "shall NOT be disappointed." This was Written, and I know it's true, as much as I know my own name. I was counting on it.
Every day continued to remain the same as the last, but all was just as well, because I knew I was making God happy. How quickly life can change from one extreme to another...in the blink of a blind eye..and I didn't even see it coming....
...to be continued...
Ahh yes pride. Well put Gina, that this is really the mother of all sins. It is the sin that says, we do not need God, we are God.... how quickly we find out that is not true. Pride goes before the fall.... look at Adam and Eve and their reaction to the fall. In fact there is a painting of that in our lobby!
ReplyDeleteSee painting below. "After the Fall"
ReplyDeleteWow, that is a powerful painting. I definitely feel her pain and know exactly what's she went through. OUCH. To feel that separation from God is the most horrible pain in the world. The worst part is, it was completely unintentional & even more strange..an unconscious behavior. This must be rectified immediately. Only the Blood of Jesus can wash me clean & deliver me from this "thorn in my side", I am so thankful for Him.
ReplyDelete